Disentangling the Secret Pact: The Journey from Myth to Reality, Hope to Disillusion, Longing to Grief
Publication Announcement by Elana Leigh (Australia)
Leigh, E. & Silberg, J. (2025). Disentangling the secret pact: The journey from myth to reality, hope to disillusion, longing to grief. Transactional Analysis Journal, 55 (3): 243-257.
The authors propose that couples form an unconscious pact driven by each partner’s need for the other to repair their oedipal struggles and narcissistic wounds. They argue that this belief in repair is a fantasy unless the pact is exposed. Deconstructing it requires the therapist to reveal the dynamics sustaining the illusion. Historical ruptures arise from significant relationships and systems, including those involving the therapist. Thus, relational couples therapists must actively engage with the couple system and therapy triad. The authors stress that therapists must deeply understand their own oedipal struggles and narcissistic injuries. The challenge lies in refining countertransference, distinct from how it is understood and used in individual therapy to help the couple—and the therapists themselves—endure the pain of realizing the idealized relationship is an illusion. This process opens pathways to healing and authentic change.
Elana Leigh, M.Sc.
Sydney, Australia
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