The Capacity to Hate - Après Coup
Being invited to speak at the Toronto conference gave me the opportunity to put into words an unbearable human situation that we – those identified as “left-wing,” even when we do not belong to the left – have been living through in Israel these past three years of war, plus one bitter bonus year courtesy of the ‘judicial reform.’
My paper examined the breaking points of hatred, those moments when we cannot hate, even when this capacity would be necessary if not vital. I explored the capacity to hate as a paraphrase of Winnicott’s (1958) paper, “The Capacity to Be Alone.”
To hate, to love, and to create, all require space – a space of relatedness. One must relate to the other as human, even while trying not to see them as one’s own kind. Moreover, one fantasizes that the other might hear. Hate is a cry for help, a protest, an attempt to reach the other, to repair – a failed, painful attempt. It is a refusal to give up on the other.
Implicated in our nation’s destructiveness on its march toward “total victory,” our resistance in the face of overwhelming governmental forces fades. A flattening of the soul takes its place. Thought itself – of love and hatred alike – grows mute.
“The word always dies where the claim of some reality is total” (Améry, 1977a, p. 39).
Writing this paper gave me, in a way, a place of repose – a place of thought, of dialogue with my friends here and abroad.
Speaking it aloud over Zoom, to our relational community – far away and unseen, yet a deeply attentive audience – was a special experience for me. I spoke slowly, unlike my usual rhythm, and with emotion, unlike my usual so-necessary detachment. I felt so moved while reading it that I was on the verge of tears, and if I recall correctly, I did shed a few.
Reading it aloud, in English, to people who do not live here, had an enormous impact on me. I felt the full awfulness of our situation. What we have done in Gaza, and throughout the region around our country, is irreparable.
It was an opportunity to get out of the “sinkhole of grief” and to relate to receptive others.
The fact that it wasn’t an Israeli audience enabled my being in touch with the misery of the situation, the distancing paradox (Roth, 2017).
Rina Lazar, Ph.D.
Tel Aviv, Israel
Email Rina Lazar
Toronto Conference Reflections:
The Capacity to Hate – Après Coup – Rina Lazar
Candidates Committee – Ashleigh Ide
The Willingness to Remain in Relationship – Alice Sommatis
Child, Adolescent & Parent Committee – Sara Biondi & Rodolfo Pérez Sánchez
Stirrings – Jamie McMillan