“Death never comes at the right time, despite what mortals believe.
Death always comes like a thief.” (Christopher Pike)
On February 28, 2019, communities around the globe reeled with the news of Lew’s passing. Although his death was anticipated, dreaded, denied, we all felt shocked. Lew’s ability to live life so fully, so courageously, so magnanimously, so productively and so joyfully right to the end, almost anaesthetized us into a state of disbelief. Losing him felt impossible.
Even now, I feel a constant oscillation between deep sorrow and sheer disbelief. Lew feels so very present, deeply interwoven with our psychoanalytic worlds, our thinking and experience in indivisible and abiding ways. He has been such a huge presence for me personally and professionally these past three decades. As he has been for so many others.
Much has been written about Lew’s extensive scholarship, his agile mind, his generativity, his generosity of spirit and mind, his sponsorship, his passion and his lovability. Much more will yet be written. Memories will continue to emerge, become more amplified, poignant, and complex as they continue to reside within us and amongst us, as we grieve and learn to live around the enormous hole created by his passing.
I will focus specifically on Lew’s role in IARPP. When Stephen Mitchell, whose brainchild IARPP was, established his first Board and Executive Committee, I was deeply privileged to serve with Stephen, Lew, Mannie Ghent, and Neil Altman on this first Executive Committee. Within a few months of IARPP’s inception we lost Stephen. Suddenly. Shockingly. Heartbreakingly. His death created such a huge void that bridging it felt impossible. Indeed, as many have written, Stephen’s passing and the grief that went with it stimulated a period of enormous creativity amongst many of the seminal authors of the relational world. Grief transformed into generativity.
And it was into this void that Lew stepped. Courageously and unflinchingly. Spurred on by Margaret Black Mitchell who refused to let Stephen’s dream die with him, Lew assumed the Presidency of IARPP. And he did so with remarkable adeptness and efficacy.
Rallying the original Board members and adding others, Lew worked tirelessly, with deep commitment, fervour, creativity and brilliance to launch the organization and propel it on its way. How honoured I felt to share those early IARPP years with him. Those first few years, while heady and exciting, also gave us pause in many ways. Beyond the shadows constantly lurking around the loss of Steve, we faced financial, political and organizational challenges. Lew navigated those choppy waters with skill and deep insight. And always with warmth, care and good humour. He remained steady and clear -eyed, offering a stewardship and a wisdom that calmed and inspired.
All along the way, he remained committed to scholarship. His own and that of others, sponsoring ideas, expanding consciousness, disseminating relational thinking globally. So many have written about his generosity in reaching in and nurturing young and new writers to unimaginable accomplishments. He did so even as he continued to function simultaneously as Director of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis.
Clearly Lew was a presence that could be counted on. And countless people relied on him for just that and so much else. Caring. Creative. Passionate. Focused. Indefatigable. Inspirational.
IARPP thrived under his stewardship and abiding care. Proudly he watched and encouraged its growth and its reach even after he had formally stepped aside.
Lew will always be entwined with IARPP. He is part of IARPP’s DNA. His vision and foundational contributions will continue to evolve. Others may carry the mantle, inspired by what has been laid down before and by the visions that have emerged and continue to develop, but they will do so animated by the memory of Lew, and Steve before him.
And hopefully the generativity that followed Steve’s passing will be part of our transformational task now as we struggle with the grief Lew’s profound loss has stirred.
Thank you Lew! With gratitude and love. Always.
“May the four winds carry you safely home” (Grateful Dead)
Hazel Ipp (Canada), Vice-President
Hazel Ipp, PhD (Canada)
Email Hazel Ipp
